Do guns kill people?  If you answered no, it’s because it’s the act of a person that commits this atrocious act, not the actual inanimate object.  Now I have a follow up question, does porn ruin marriages?  If you answered yes, then how can one inanimate object not be the cause of the act it’s used in, but another inanimate object can be the cause?  The answer is no, porn does not ruin marriage. 

          Now if you feel a religious objection to porn that’s fine, but if you still struggle with not being able to keep away from it then listen up because what I am going to say will help you.  What ruins a marriage or relationship is dishonesty.  A person in the partnership sought sexual release without the knowledge of the other and that can be damaging.   Now the root cause behind this is a persons inability to express their sexual desires with their partner because of an extreme anti sex mentality that has been bestowed upon our society by religion. 

          Religion has taught people to fear sex so much that discussing it, even with ones sexual partner, becomes down right terrifying and almost impossible.  It’s this inability for one to be open and honest about their desires that causes them to seek satisfaction elsewhere and in secret.  Sex, is your DNA’s number 1 instinct.  Survival of species has caused DNA to desire sex above all else, and denying your main instinct creates problems. 

          You have sexual desires and fantasies and that is ok, you are supposed to! What you’re not supposed to do is constantly deny them for no rhyme or reason and it is up to you to decide what your values are, and what that means for your choices on how to act on your main DNA instinct.  Religion over the past centuries has brought this taboo that one must only act upon ones sexual desire for procreation only, and anything else has been met with violent opposition.  So much so that discussing this topic can be downright terrifying for most.  This repression of humanities main instinct is what has driven so much hate in this world from those unable to express their sexual tensions properly. 

          It’s ok for you to have desire.  It’s ok for you to have what we call kinks.  If you struggle with watching porn, well the answer is you need to be open and honest with yourself and or your partner about what it is you actually desire.  If what you desire includes other people, as in watching porn, then that is something you need to reflect on what your values are and what you feel truly brings harm to those values and decide if this centuries old religious theology of viewing sex as abhorrent is something that is healthy or not for you to continue. 

          When you enter into a sexual partnership with someone, inside or outside marriage, then you need to be able to communicate what your sexual desires are if you intend to have a healthy relationship.  It’s ok to like certain areas of the body, or for certain taste and smells to arouse you.  Keeping these feelings bottled up when you don’t need to though, will drive you to seek gratification elsewhere out of shame and fear of discussing it with your partner.  Your partner should be the person you have no objections to discuss this matter with. 

          This is why it’s important that you’re open and honest with the person you want to love, or you will never be able to properly fulfill your desire, and you may end up seeking to fulfill it in a way that is harmful to you or your partner.  You must not be afraid to talk about sex, it’s ok to talk about sex, especially with the person you’re going to have sex with.  One must overcome this social pressure of what you are doing is wrong, when it is not wrong for you to be clear and open with the person you’ve chosen to share this wonderful thing that brings love into this world. 

          Now, if you are abstaining until marriage it may be difficult for you to know exactly what it is you want in sex.  This is something you need to be open and honest about when choosing a partner, that together you are discovering exactly what makes each other tick which may lead to having similar likes or possibly you may be absolutely incompatible.  It’s something you need to prepare yourself for that your partner may not have the same sexual inclinations, and working that out is how you create a healthy sexual relationship.  If you’re afraid of being dismissed, don’t be, if the person you are with is unable to communicate without being averse about it, then you will not be able to communicate properly and that’s a whole n’other issue that you will have to decide to either work out or move on. 

          What ruined the relationship wasn’t the porn, it was the inability to communicate properly ones desires and you must be able to create that intimate connection with someone you plan to be intimate with.  Thank you, and I hope this helps you decide where your values lie, and that you now know it’s ok for you to have DNA instincts like desiring food, just listen to your taste and be honest about it always for a truly happy life.